Into Familiarity – Star Trek Into Darkness Movie Review

While I am a lifelong fan of the original Star Trek TV series and movies, as well as an occasional viewer of the spinoffs up until the abortion that was Voyager, I could never claim to be a Trekkie of any sort. I am, however, well-versed in the lore and hold the adventures of Captain Kirk in high esteem. I enjoyed the 2009 reboot of the series by J.J. Abrams as much for the more action-oriented slant he put on the series as for the new character interaction dynamics he introduced with the new cast. Those dynamics are in fine form in the sequel, Into Darkness, which I’ve just come back from watching in XD EXTREME DIGITAL CINEMA WITH REAL 3D!!!!!!

First, I want to give my two cents on 3D technology. Stop it. No, seriously, just fucking stop it. I paid almost twice what I would have paid for a normal 2D matinee and while at times impressive, for the most part the 3D added absolutely nothing to the movie whatsoever. The depth of field goes from awesome to distracting and back to awesome but as far as what makes a movie an absorbing experience, feeling a part of the picture is not it. At times, people in the foreground look not so much a part of the scene as an intrusion of someone standing in front of the screen, taking me right out of the flick. While the new XD screen certainly wasn’t as dark as previous 3D movies I’ve seen, it still didn’t justify the expense or the discomfort of wearing Elvis Costello glasses over my regular glasses. Make the tech work without bulky glasses, then we’ll talk. Otherwise, stop foisting this shit off on me.

As for the movie, let me just start the review with

SPOILER ALERT!!!!

Yeah, don’t read past this point if you don’t want the big secrets revealed because I’m about to go through all of them.

Still reading? Ok, here’s the spoiler.

Benedict Cumberbatch IS Khan.

Wow, what a shock. No, really it isn’t a shock to anyone even slightly familiar with the original movies. This brings me to my main criticism of the story. If all you are going to bother to do is REIMAGINE old Star Trek movies and shows with a few minor variations here and there, why bother with all the secrecy? Just tell people you are going to do it and let it be judged on that. As a remake of the Wrath of Khan, it’s decent. The spin of having Khan be the instrument of a war-mongering Admiral before turning on that Admiral was interesting. In fact, that story would have been fertile ground for an examination of the whole concept of the Federation and an analysis of the Rodenberry philosophy underpinning the whole universe. Unfortunately, like most of the plot, that thread existed solely as an excuse to have the Enterprise get pummeled by a fuckstupid dark Dreadnought class version of itself.

Most things in the plot seemed to happen as excuses for larger set pieces. The entire opening sequence in which Spock gets trapped in an exploding volcano while Kirk and Bones run from the planet’s indigenous life because Kirk stole their holy scroll (why was never explained and made little sense because he left it hanging from a tree) only to jump off a cliff into the ocean because the Enterprise is hidden beneath the water. Why is it in the water? Who the fuck knows? Even Scotty comments that it’s stupid to hide a starship in the ocean but hey, it looks damn impressive coming out of the water in 3D.

The logic of the plot only gets slightly better from there. Things happen… because. Khan’s frozen people are hidden in experimental torpedoes to be fired at the Klingon home planet, either to destroy the Klingons with their bad-assitude or the torpedo’s payload – the answer is neither clear or important apparently. Kirk takes the place of Spock from the original movie to save the Enterprise by being irradiated so that Spock can get all slash fiction-y boyfriend angry and yell “KHAAAAAANNNNN!!!!” before heading off to have a kung-fu battle with Khan on a ship flying over San Francisco. And of course, with foreshadowing so heavy-handed they might as well have had cue cards run across the screen saying “THIS IS IMPORTANT!” a revived Tribble shows that Kirk can be saved with some of Khan’s blood.

In the end, it feels like they wrote the screenplay on a whiteboard filled with story beats from the first Khan movie and Under Siege written in erasable ink, and just shuffled elements around as needed. The story doesn’t breathe, and it chokes the longer you actually think about it but it’s ok because there’s 3D being ejaculated across the screen into our eyesockets.

Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy it. The actors seem to have had a ball and they treat the material with a lot more skill than it deserves. Take the action bits out and you have all the best character bits of the original Star Trek movies done well. I’ve certainly seen a lot worse movies (the Star Trek Next Generation movies in fact). It just seems that 3D, bombastic effects, immaculate set pieces and cookie cutter plotting take the place of a story that could have elevated the material above “just another Star Trek movie.” I’m not asking for Citizen Kane. In the end, the two reboot movies feel like the pilot episode of a new Star Trek TV series only twice as long and more expensive. The really interesting parts will likely be left as backstory for the next movie, where we will hopefully see more than 5 minutes of the Klingons.

Incidentally, the lack of Klingons is but one of the missed opportunities here. The other big absence is that of a post-credits sequence. Surely they could have spent one minute showing Bones surrounded by Tribbles after the credits. It would have been entirely appropriate given their role in the movie.

I’d give Star Trek Into Darkness 3 out of 5 stars because I did enjoy it, but rue the missed opportunities and shallow storytelling.

May 18, 2013 at 9:07 pm | Movies & TV | No comment

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